shivAparAdhaxamApaNa stotra - 3,4, and 5

[Anand Hudli]

prauDho.ahaM yauvanastho vishhayavishhadharaiH paJNchabhirmarmasandhau
 dashhTo nashhTo.avivekaH sutadhanayuvatisvaadusaukhye nishhaNNaH |
 shaiviichintaavihiinaM mama hR^idayamaho maanagarvaadhiruuDhaM
 xantavyo me.aparaadhaH shiva shiva shiva bho shrii mahaadeva shambho || 3||

 When I mature into my youth, the five serpents called sense objects
 bite me in my vital organs. I lose all discrimination (viveka) and
 become addicted to enjoying the (fleeting) pleasures of wealth, wife,
 and children. Alas! Even then, my mind is devoid of thoughts of Shiva,
 but filled with great pride and arrogance! O Shiva! O MahAdeva! O
 Shambhu! Forgive my offense!

 vaardhakye chendriyaaNaaM vigatagatimatishchaadhidaivaaditaapaiH
 paapai rogairviyogaistvanavasitavapuH prauDhihiinaM cha diinam.h |
 mithyaamohaabhilaashhairbhramati mama mano dhuurjaTerdhyaanashuunyaM
 xantavyo me.aparaadhaH shiva shiva shiva bho shrii mahaadeva shambho || 4||

 And in my old age, my organs lose their vitality and sharpness. I am
 miserable, subjected to the three kinds of miseries (tApatraya -
 AdhyAtmika, Adhibhautika, and Adhidaivika) from sins, diseases, and losses,
 and my body is decayed due to lack of growth. Even in this sorry state,
 my mind wanders about being distracted by unreal things, delusion, and
 vain desires but is devoid of thoughts of (You) dhUrjaTi (One who wears
 matted locks of hair on the head)! O Shiva! O MahAdeva! O Shambhu!
 Forgive my offense!

 no shakyaM smaartakarma pratipadagahanapratyavaayaakulaakhyaM
 shraute vaartaa kathaM me dvijakulavihite brahmamaarge susaare |
 nAsthA dharme vichaaraH shravaNamananayoH kiM nididhyaasitavyaM
 xantavyo me.aparaadhaH shiva shiva shiva bho shrii mahaadeva shambho || 5||

 I am unable to perform the smArta karmas (nitya karmas) even though
 omission of even a single step of such karmas is extremely sinful.
 (While I cannot even do the smArta karmas) how can I (defend my
 non-performance of) the (obligatory) shrauta karmas that are enjoined for
 the dvijas and are essential in the path to attain Brahman? I do not have
 any respect for dharma, nor do I inquire into shravaNa (hearing the shruti)
 and manana (reasoning about and reflection on the shruti texts). What can
 I contemplate on (nididhyAsitavyam.h) ? O Shiva! O MahAdeva! O Shambhu!
 Forgive my offense!

 Anand

--
bhava shankara deshikame sharaNam

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