Who am I ?

[Gummuluru Murthy]

This is a brief introduction of the person called "Gummuluru Satyanarayana
Murthy" as per the requirements of the discussion group.  I appreciate this
necessity to write a few words on this topic.  Although this topic has been
on my mind for the past few years, this is the first time  I tried to put
together in writing these thoughts.

I am certainly not my body, or mind or buddhi. It is recognized that the "I"
is really the one, more subtle than that, that resides in the "Hridaya guhya"
and that makes the physical body and the mind active.  Ultimately, this
jivatma that resides in the body of Gummuluru Satyanarayana Murthy is the
same as the paramatma, the Nirguna Brahman.  However, the "I" that will be
used from now on is the more worldly  I  [ that is the "I" described above
+ the various additions put on it through the maya].

I acquired this body 55 years ago, "born" in the state of Andhra Pradesh,
India. After getting a few degrees in India, I moved to Canada, added a few
more degrees, and am on faculty  at Memorial University of Newfoundland for
the past 25 years.  My worldly duties include teaching and doing research in
Earth sciences (geophysics).  During this life, my worldly duties also
include giving due care to a wife and three children presently ranging in
age from 23 to 15.  Basically you may say that this person is a typical human
trying to cross the "bhima bhavarnavam".  My personal gods Lalitha Devi and
Venkateswara make all the decisions for me, guide me through this life and
help me cross this ocean.  I pray to them regularly and they are constantly
by my side.

I believe that everything is pre-ordained and that any individual's role is
minimal.  We simply do our duty and let the results be what they were
ordained to be.  From the ultimate Reality's viewpoint, we do not exist and
hence no decisions for us to make.  From our viewpoint, we may feel we are
making decisions or choosing one of the various courses of actions that
appear available to us, but it is mithya (illusion).  The course had been set
and there is nothing for us to decide.

In the past few years, I got myself acquainted with the works of Sankara,
both the devotional and the philosophic works.  These include Atma Bodha,
Viveka Chudamani, nirvana-shatkam, dasa-slokii, lalitha-thrisathi bhashya,
sivananda laharii etc.  The more I read Sankara, the more firm is the
conclusion that Sankaracarya is the greatest philosophical mind that ever
walked the Earth, bar none.  I am just starting on Upadesa-sahasri,
the metrical part by this philosophical genius.  Due to my profound reverence
for this great acarya, I invoke Sankara when I learn anything which is always.
In order for me to understand Sankara better,  I have started a project
to put Sankara's works (at least the ones I can get hold of) in Telugu font
on the computer.  I have completed two volumes (about 25 works) and am
starting on the third one.

There are many points about which I am unclear in my mind.  I hope to get
them clarified through discussion.  Two matters are raised here and I hope to
raise a few more in the weeks ahead. They deal with (i) human life-form and
(ii) span of life.  It is recognized that these questions arise only in the
illusory world and do not exist in the ultimate Reality.

1. I find it distressing that there are very few humans that are not
controlled by the Arishadvargams (kama, krodha, lobha, moha, mada, matsarya).
We (the humans) kill unnecessarily, not only other humans but other life
forms, occupy the whole Earth and yet call ourselves superior intellectually
to all other life forms.  It was told repeatedly  that human life form is
durlabham and rare.  When I asked various swamijis why it is so, I was told
that humans have that rare sense of discrimination, while other life forms do
not have it.  I wonder.  It is only we, the humans that say that other life
forms do not have the discriminating power.  If the humans have that
discriminating sense, I have not seen many humans that use it for
Self-realization.  It seems to me that only very rare humans use this
discriminating sense to realize "tat thvam asi" or "aham brahmasmi".  More
than 99% of the humans have never used this sense and they simply follow the
samsara and as mentioned in Bhaja-Govindam "punarapi maranam, punarapi
jananam ..... " and while away their life.

2.  I am also concerned with the concept of long life.  Any life-form will be
in that form only until the punyas and papas of the previous lives have been
completely met, and not for a second more. The learned sages know that.  Then
why do the sages and learned men bless "ayushman bhava (may you live long)" ?
Further, this blessing is not consistent with the concept that prarabdha
karma of previous life determines the length of life now.  Thus, if that were
the case, the blessing "may you live long" does not mean anything.  Or is this
blessing only  in the itihasas and puranas only and not in the upanishads? My
concept is " If one's sins are cleared, then one gives up that life form.  It
means that short life is a desirable one.   We read in the puranas that people
that were blessed do have short lives, whereas people that were cursed do have
long lives to complete their sins".

I realize these questions exist only in this illusory world and are mute in
the frame of ultimate Reality.

I would like to be enlightened by the learned people in the Discussion Group
on these and other matters.

Regards
Gummuluru Murthy
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Adau ante ca yAn nAsti vartamAnepi tat tatha !

                                GaudapAda in MandUkya kArika

That which was not there at the beginning and which is not going to be there
at the end may as well be considered non-existent at the present.
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